steadfast, a post-eclipse clarity poem

on movement (revolution and somatic), on disability (genetic and learned)

photo of a very pretty flower i took, with a very real caption i wrote

what am i committed to?
who are the people i want to do life with?
where are we headed? how are we gathering the tools?
the tools we need to carve chisel pave 
paths for a future that by the day by the hour
by the slippery shy seconds of every minute 
moves farther out of focus
a future that even with our 24k cameras, 2020-somethings
knowledge and perceived resources 
is becoming harder to see clearly

i won't lie, 
as someone who's survived most of their teen and young adult life blind,
(refusing to wear glasses for aesthetics sake)
i, who squinted my years down the busiest, most distracting,
overstimulating streets, i 
learned to move by listening

it's true, you know,
years of navigating life half blind has proven that blurry
and bleak does not mean gone does not mean disappeared
the future —The Future— is still here 
hard to see with near-sighted eyes, not so clear with far-sight either
but still 
if we set our hearts & minds & feets on beating & dreaming & moving...
we're gonna get tools like clarity tools needed for focus 
we're gonna get:
a different kind of seeing 
a different kind of sense-ability
with different needs for
movement

author's note💌

i wrote this poem last wednesday, april 17th for #napowrimo, a week after the solar eclipse and in the middle of mercury retrograde. and of course i decided to publish it on the Scorpio Full Moon. yum and yikes, i know.

linking the poetry prompts here, for anyone who wants to participate cuz i for sure will be visiting these prompts again throughout the year. i’ve not been writing a poem every day this month like i planned to. just when i remember to. and i guess that’s the general flow for how i’ve been doing life: planning to. not doing. planning again. putting off til later. doing in a rush.

planning without an idea of what to prioritize has been my problem. i think everything is important. must get done now. must answer text right away …or 3 months later. there’s no in between.

the questions i ask at the beginning of this poem are helping me better plan. better prioritize the people and things that are important to me during this season of my life. this season of my life is asking me to get really specific about everything.

now, i’m working on getting organized about other things that are currently causing overwhelm in my life like: finances, jobs, my commitments to my family and friends, my commitments to self. this process is teaching me the art of getting specific and being selective—something i spoke a bit about already in yesterday’s ‘stack.

i am but one smol human. how i’ve come to convince myself that i can do everything and help everybody and be everywhere…i feel like i know but… it needs to stop!

there are things i reallyyy don’t want to do. but i still find myself saying yes out of an anxious fear of saying no. please read this ‘stack by my favorite, Yrsa Daley-Ward because she honestly brought all the (much-needed) shade. she’s so funny she titled it ‘surprise! i keep feeling the way that i feel!’ and while we’re talking about Yrsa, another must read that she dropped today, and i all but clawed my heart out my chest when she wrote about what it means to be a writer AND live AND make a living from writing. i mean, excuse me, why, thank you dear Yrsa for naming that those are all 3 distinct things that take so many levels of:

• specificity (getting really, super duper, squeeky cleany clear. and when you think it’s clear, clarify some more. pro-con lists! venn diagrams! consult friends, Prayer, the stars, the cards, diary!)

• commitment (showing up, not waiting for inspiration, seeing it in everything, paying attention!)

• creative strategy (a sustainable practice requires strategy. planning. then doing. the homework hasn’t ended. sorry that wasn’t just a school thing).

& that’s all folks. get into it. the specifics of what you know you need to get into. the Full Moon in Scorpio demands it of us! you know what you need to revisit and engage with on deeper levels. the cosmos are conspiring to reveal it to you whether you like it or not. soooo, you might as well lean in. make the impact a little less rude.

until the next fresh ‘stack,
take tender care🌱

xo,
nu🧚🏿